Don´t make such a fuss. Stay silent and ignore

7 May
„In former times women had their babies when they were working on the fields“. I hated this statement. I heard it in my pregnancy much more often than I liked to hear it.
„Don´t make such a fuss about it“ seems to be the message of this statement, doesn´t it? If those women gave birth while working on the fields – how can I then complain about very normal aches and discomfort. Discomfort – sometimes its quite more than „discomfort“: Nausea, pain, fatigue and hormone chaos. That´s no fun at all.

It really gets me upset to pass this kind of statement along. It implements, that it is normal (and healthy?!) to mostly ignore pregnancy and just carry on. And that women have to carry it all – the job, the pregnancy, the kids, the house – just as if it were nothing. This statement is linking back to a time when women had no rights at all, living a very hard life. And this is used for what? As a role model for pregnant modern women? As a supportive hint to manage pregnancy, to calm concerns of giving birth?
This kind of statement simply does not honor in any way the reality of a pregnant women. It simply offers a “look what they have done” perspective that really encourages the women to hear “Do it a little more like they did, it was better this way. You are (doing) wrong”.
This is not even a little bit encouraging or empowering.

Maybe the person who states this may be concerned that the women exaggerates and that it’s not healthy for her to focus too much on the pregnancy. But that´s simply not true. A women needs time to adjust to this new experience of pregnancy. And as pregnancy is a time of change, she always needs to catch up. Some of the biggest changes in life happen in pregnancy (the whole body and psyche transforms). And the most healthy thing she can do is to stay conscious and enjoy pregnancy and support all of these changes.
True is that its not healthy to ride carousel with your concerns and fears. But ignoring is never a solution. Or pushing away. Pushing away or disavowing will increase all the problems that hide in the unconsciousness. Those will make us feel insecure, wrong, instable, unsure, inferior. In order to deal in a healthy and helpful way with fears and concerns its necessary to accept them first.

Yes, pregnancy is a normal, healthy state of being. But it is VERY SPECIAL. It has meaning and worth. And it is so important to acknowledge this fact. Something can be natural, normal and special at the same time. And that´s what pregnancy is. It´s a great time to celebrate, to feel the sacredness of being and to experience it to the fullest.

So let´s make a fuss about it.

2 Responses to “Don´t make such a fuss. Stay silent and ignore”

  1. victoriablt May 7, 2012 at 7:20 pm #

    I hate to admit it, but I was told that through all my pregnancies and it made me SO sad. I appreciate the fact that other Moms have it incredibly hard, but it still would have been nice to be treated special. I struggled through so much pain and discomfort in total silence because every time I brought it up, I was reminded how “easy” I had it.

    • noraamala May 7, 2012 at 8:34 pm #

      Hi Victoria,
      thanks for your comment. Ah thats so sad. Everyone should be treated special. And every pregnant woman should be honored and pampered. Thank you for your brave sharing.

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